My First Blogiversary

It has officially been a year since I started this blog. Technically, I should have written on July 20th to coincide with my first blog post, but on the 20th I was busy all day trying to rack up a good amount of CQ points toward guild conquest and completely forgot about the anniversary.

Looking back it’s been a good year, not only for me, but this blog as well. I never expected it to last long to be honest because I wasn’t sure whether I’d get bored with it eventually or tired of basically writing to myself since I never expected any followers or readers.

In a previous post I wrote a little bit of why I started this blog and how I wanted an outlet to geek out over my obsession with SWTOR, which is true, though not the whole story. I was hesitant to say anything about my main reason for starting this blog because I’m not looking for sympathy and quite frankly I don’t like talking about my personal life. However, in many ways an incident in my life lead me to begin both writing this blog and play SWTOR more.

I started writing this blog as a sort of therapeutic way of coping with what I was going through at the time. My parents had divorced after 29 years of marriage and since my mother ended up with the house, my dad had no where to go. So he bought an RV and has been traveling as a nurse for the past two and a half years. My youngest sister and I are living with him for moral support. My brother also lived with us in the RV at one point, but now he’s living else where because he needed to pay off his students loans and couldn’t do that with our father moving every three or so months to work at different hospitals.

My dad was a complete wreck after the divorce since he had tried so hard to salvage his marriage and my mother just threw it all back in his face. I’m afraid I didn’t take it well either. I don’t have many close friends, so I counted my mom as my best friend and looked up to her and always strove to please her in any way I could. Seeing her turn against my dad for no good reason shocked me to the core.
After my parents divorce, there were times I felt numb and like all of this was a bad dream and if I could only wake up from this nightmare, everything would go back to the way it used to be. I went through the typical stages of grief, but honestly I couldn’t handle my own thoughts on most days so I eventually started doing whatever I had to, to not think about how my life had turned upside down. At first I binge watched Netflix for several months and then I moved on to playing games. Eventually settling on SWTOR.

I had been playing SWTOR off and on for about a year and a half by then, though I hadn’t devoted much time to it because my mother didn’t approve of games. During this time it dawned on me just how much control I let her have of my life and how much of it I had wasted doing whatever she wanted me to do instead of getting on with my life. So when I tentatively started playing SWTOR nearly every day I felt guilty at first until I realized I didn’t actually care what my mom thought anymore.

It was like a flood gate opened. I started playing SWTOR every day — finally allowing myself to become obsessed with gaming and embracing my inner nerd like never before. There was still a part of me that felt like I should be guilty for the amount of time I spent playing games and starting this blog helped me get over that. I’m not completely over what my mom did, but I am getting better and I can contribute that to this blog and to the many wonderful people I have met in-game since then. This blog has gone beyond a mere therapeutic exercise to something I truly enjoy and want to continue for the foreseeable future and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for my life both in real life and in the game.

–Chash Larol

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